One Dimensional Living

Yes, I achieved entrance into one dimensional living on Cape Cod recently. I am the first to accomplish this denial of the other dimensions. I am a nihilist at heart. Compression into one dimension is not what the body favors, trust me. All our organs, cells, tissues are used to the cozy arrangement of height, width, and depth. There is a price to pay for squeezing oneself into just one dimension: Pain, compression fractures, the bends (when you decompress), and all the other stuff that flesh is heir to. Shakespeare knew about this long ago, and that is the esoteric meaning of that quote. Nevertheless, I have experienced something that would make me do it all again in a flash: the unbearable lightness of being. I do not recommend one dimensional being for weight loss, by the way. No, there are easier ways to accomplish that: Weight Watchers, South Beach Diet, Jenny Craig, and starvation come to mind. No, ULB, the Unbearable Lightness of Being is a spiritual state and must be approached with all the caution, training, and dedication that one might give to playing a Chopin Etude, or preparing for initiation into the Masons. In another Blog entry, I will attempt to describe the Nirvana-like state of existing in one dimension and one dimension only. You would think, after all, that I wouldn't be able to recall the experience, since my brain was flattened into a virtual pancake. But, what my grey and white matter lacked in the other two dimensions, it gained in the "splat" of one dimensional existence. All one's intelligence is spread out in one gigantic splotch. Oh, the beauty and the truth and the joy! Do not attempt to do what I did! The training process is grueling. Contact the proper associations before you even dream of diminishing yourself. I am truly honored to even be here reporting to you my experience with The One. Be patient. Await more information. I forsee us all there One day soon. They also serve who only sit and wait. Ah, that is what Milton was talking about, after all!
Blessed be, you all.